It’s actually your wedding…


Question: My fiancée and I are getting married this summer and my mother has requested that my grandparents not be invited to the wedding.  She does not have a good relationship with my grandmother and has said that if they come to the ceremony, it will ruin the day for her.  I do not have anything against my grandparents; they have always been nice to me and have given me Christmas money since I was a kid.  It would be rude for me not to invite them.  Also, my fiancee and I are paying for the wedding.

My grandmother can be very controlling and was very strict in raising my mother and her siblings–it’s left a sour taste in my mom’s mouth.  She complains all the time about my grandmother, but when I suggest she confront her about the problems, she doesn’t want to.  I feel like she is being childish and that it’s time for her to deal with her problems and not try to use me as a way to get to my grandmother.

My grandparents are coming to visit from overseas this month and my mom sent me an email reiterating her wishes, as well as letting me know that she won’t be discussing the wedding with them if they ask.

Am I justified in inviting them or should I respect my mom’s wishes and not?  After all, she’s got the problems, not me.

 

Answer: Believe it or not this is YOUR wedding, not your mom’s little social adventure. If your mother is so selfish she can’t control her behavior for two – three hours during this wedding, maybe it is your mother who should not be invited to the wedding. She should come to the wedding and keep her mouth shut. If she can’t then I guess she doesn’t come.

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