Of course you hate your dad…


Question: HI, I’m a 18 years old girl, I’m in college but still living at home,
for a while now I’ve been feeling this very strong hatred towards my dad, he’s always been an abusive and controlling person. After trying to sort things out with him, he told me to shut up and stop being so childish, needless to say he hasn’t made any attempt to change at all or to discuss it any further. After this, I decided I’d just stop talking to him then, so now I limit my conversations with him as much as possible. At first he just ignored it and I got to feel more liberated from his abusive behaviour, so it worked both ways. But just a few days ago, he told me it had  been enough, that my mom was sad and my brother’s grades were down because of the way I was behaving and so I needed to “fix it”. Although I find this accusations unreasonable, I feel very confused as to what to do, I feel like a stranger in my own home and don’t have the money to manage living alone and paying for college on my own, but I just can’t change the way I feel. Am I really just crazy for hating my dad? Why is my resentment so overpowering and what can I do about it?
 
Answer: When you say you stopped talking to your father, that was an example of acting like a child as he said. If you can’t move out then you need to make the best of a bad situation. When you say you want to change how you feel you can’t. You need to change your behavior first and then your feelings will change over time. Of course you hate your dad, you have behavior towards him that is hateful. If you acted decent towards him then your feelings would be different. Try it out and see what happens.

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