You live in reality…


Question: Hey,
So I’m 24(student) and my bf is 25(working). We’ve been dating for about 3 months now and last night we had “the talk”- you know the one after the initial honeymoon phase where you get the little things that have been bothering you off your chest. It went well and I love how we can communicate. Here’s the thing. I’ve noticed ( and so has he) that the emotions or feelings are developing much slower than they have with previous relationships (i.e. we never had that crazy I love you lust thing right off the bat). Where we are right now is that we both care about each other but the feelings of love are not there. We have both talked about what we’re looking for ( i.e. long-term eventually marriage) so we’re on the same page with that. My question is, how long should it take you to fall in love? Are we ok not having those intense feelings right now(i.e. my best friend and her now husband said the I love you’s at 4 months and had those intense feelings from the beginning of the relationship)? I think what both him and I are doing is comparing this relationship to past ones.
 
Answer: I don’t think there is any one way to know that you are in love with someone. The sure-fire way to do it is rationally look at the relationship over time. If you realize after about a year and a half this is someone you are compatible with then get married. If not then stop wasting your time. It’s maybe better to not get swept up in the emotion. I know that goes against what you see in romance movies and what you see on the lifetime network.  Yet, when you pay attention to feelings rather than rationally looking at behavior you will often overlook fatal flaws in relationships that will probably kill the relationship in the long-term

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