STOP expecting change…


Question: I have been backspacing this question tons of timess haha. What my question is, how do I tell my dad how I feel and how much he is hurting myself and my younger brother?
My dad left us in Nov.  after that he never calls, emails, stops by or anything! The only way i see or hear from him is when I make the effort. He has 2 girls (my sister and me) and a boy (my brother). He lives with his gf and HER three kids. He makes so much time to be a dad to them, that hes not one to us. I bring this up and we fight, he has a bad temper and calls me a selfish bitch cunt ass hole ANYTHING. I havent said anything lately because I really dont want to be called that stuff anymore. But his gf cheated on my dad and had a son with someone else. They keep pushing him as my brother but hes not. My mom said it is almost impossible considering he has been “tied” for 16 years. My brother (his only son) is crushed by this which makes me soo mad and sad at the same time, but he isnt the kind of person to tell them. It just hurts to know he can take the time out to spend time with them kids and not the three he has brought in the world. I want to give up all hope that he will ever come around, but i feel there has to be something that we can do. If you can please let me know of anything to say or do to make him understand how hurt and mad my brother and I are.
thanks for letting me “vent”
 
Answer: let me give you an analogy. Let’s say you go to the zoo and you love to feed the penguins. So you decide to feed the penguins peanuts. Man…no matter how hard you try these penguins won’t eat the peanuts. Now take those peanuts to an elephant and he is going to chow down on them. So the point is that you need to stop expecting a penguin to be an elephant or expecting your dad to be something he can’t be. As hard as it may be you need to face the fact that he is a flake to you. If you get stuck with needing and wanting your whole life will pass by you. You can keep trying to reach out, but you will keep getting disappointed. At some point it makes sense to stop and move on. Acknowledge that your dad is kind of a loser and get on with your life. Focus on the relationship with your mother and brother not your dad. It would be sad if the relationships with the people you care most about suffer because you are SO desperate to relate to someone who doesn’t want to close relationship with you. Until your dad decides there is nothing you can do to “make him” care about you more.

Make yourself heard!

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