Question: This is more like a novel then a question.Im 19 years old,living with both grandparents,for the 2nd time since I was maybe 5,its been on and off since.I am going to college,meeting up to my expectations on grades,although they could be better (C range,that is what I’ve been my whole life).My psychotic grandma who treats me like a intellectual,defenseless little kid.(i assume its because I’m the only one in my family who had a druggy mom and divorced parents, plus my brain aneurysm)Smothering is what she is good at with me.I hate it.I have no privacy and I feel like I’m still wearing diapers. My question…what can I say to make her understand that I want to live with my boyfriend,whom I’ve known for almost 7 months (I know it sounds bad,I’ve done it before with a previous relationship),but we connect in more ways then I ever had with anyone and really,I feel like he’s the only one who REALLY understands me,we’ve both had troubled childhoods.Id rather take my chances staying with him,then have no life like I do now.I hate living here,I honestly cant stand my family,its just too much for me.I want a life again like I did before I moved back here.
Answer: Erica, The fact that you want to move in with a boyfriend because it will make you feel more connected goes to show how unaware you are of how your past affects you. I would suggest you not move in because you are running away from the actual thing you need to deal with. Living with a boyfriend and the reason you want to actually show how needy you are. This neediness will not go away and will cause you to make all sorts of bad decisions. So what I think you should do is start seeing a counselor who can actually help you talk to your grandparents in a way that shows that you actually are an adult. Grandparents are supposed to smother. Your inability to have a rational adult conversation with them is what should really bother you. When you take two broken people and try to make a relationship out of that it doesn’t work generally. You and BF are broken. I suggest you get fixed and then from that place make more functional decisions.