You need to communicate…

Question: My fiance has a sister who is very close to him. I have been friends with her successfully in the past, but when the three of us are together, she tries to close me out. She considers herself the most important woman in his life, and has real problems with my existence in his life. She does things like forbid us to hug each other when she is visiting. I have tried telling her honestly how I feel, and have had long talks with my fiance; he is trying to get her used to the idea that I’m not going anywhere. It’s not working. She tells her friends that I am jealous of her relationship with her brother, and badmouths me to him. When I tried to clear the air between us by explaining what bothered me, she ran to him and said that I was unreasonable and I obviously didn’t like her and how much it hurt her feelings. I’m not sure what else to do here’ she will not meet me on an equal level to discuss; anything I try to do to make things better just gets twisted and taken back to him, with herself made into the victim. Any advice is welcome.
Answer: B.
Ok you need to MAKE SURE that this is a relationship you want to continue. I anticipate that just because you marry it will not get any better. In fact it will probably get worse. I know you love him, but love won’t help you tolerate behavior after you deal with this for 5 years or more. I would suggest you limit conversations with her. This is something that your fiancee should be managing. How he manages it should give you information on how he will manage things after your marriage. If he doesn’t do it well I would suggest not marrying him. You need someone that is going to be in your court and at your defense. He has emotional ties to his sister that for some reason he seems unwilling to deal with effectively. He needs to be clear about the boundaries here. Yet, you telling him is just the beginning of what makes most marriages fail. The husband believing he is being controlled by the woman.

One thought on “You need to communicate…

  1. Wow, I am with the counselor on this. Love is not enough. Sometimes we allow ourselves to become attached before our potential partner has proven he deserves our loyaty.

    1/2 of all US marriates end in divorce. Don’t think your too special to become one such statistic.

    This guy qualifies as a “lemon.” If he was a car you would have the protection of “lemon laws.” Protect yourself. Find someone that treats you fairly. He is voting against you with ” his feet.”
    Making a decision to not to allow the continued abuse is going to be tough. But if you marry this cad and then you end up filing for divorce ( which you will) you won’t be able to say that you didn’t see it coming. Why do you want someone that is demonstrating that he really doesn’t want you?

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