WHY are you there…?


Question: I have been living with my boyfriend for more than 1 year. He has 3 kids from previous relationships. As the Christmas is coming, he told me last week about celebrating the Christmas with his 2 kids (16 yrs & 14 yrs) and their mother (he said they are not married), which I think is fine. However he said he promised his daughter will stay overnights for 3 days. Although he is living with me, he never admits to his ex that he has new girlfriend. I caught him sending texts to her saying “love you”, “I have no girl friend” etc not once!!! I got hurt, but I keep quiet, as he said it’s because he is too busy this year and don’t want to make his ex go crazy and make trouble. I never contact him when he spends time with them once a week. I begged him not to spend nights there over Christmas; even he can spend all day time with them. But he said he promised his daughter and he is willing to pay my flight to go home and see my mum because he will feel guilty leaving me alone at home. This made me really upset and angry. I don’t know what I should do. I cried and argued with him. I gave him 2 choices, one is keep your promise to your daughter but you have to let them know my existence, or you celebrate Christmas with them, but come back home at night no matter how late. He texted me saying I am the only one he love and asked me to trust him. i do want to,but my heart is bleeding. So what can I do? If he goes ahead with his decision, do you think I need to re-consider about our relationship?  
Thank you
kaka
 
Answer: Kaka,
WHY would you EVEN STAY in this relationship? you have to threaten, argue, convince, not trust should I go on? You should not be living with or probably even dating this guy. You are in competition with ex-wife, and kids and you are getting upset about it. You are going to lose almost every time. Why give him ultimatums? That is not what relationships are about. He only has one kid, but he can find another girlfriend. If you keep forcing him to choose between you and whomever you will shortly be broken up. Yet, I still don’t know why you tolerate this behavior from him. I would be out of there.

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