Prob not a soulmate…


Question: Hello, I’ve been dating the most wonderful man for the past 9 months.  My most compatible relationship I’ve ever had. He’s been legally separated from his wife for nearly 7 years.  He has a son he visits one day a week.  The problem is, I’ve encouraged him to divorce (he says he will) but because he’s 40 and used to make a living as a musician he’s trying to get out of the hospitality industry and obtain a viable career. He does teach music but has to supplement it with hospitality so he’s busy days and nights. His ex has Lupus, can’t work and she has the son and they live with her mother. He’s told me to be patient, the divorce will happen but he needs to sort his life out first. but then says he’d never want to hold me back and I should do what I think is right.  I moved 2 hours away for a career and he would visit me one day a week – an evening, his only night off- and then he’d visit saturday and stay saturday nights.  It got hard for me, I found it disruptive not seeing him all the time and felt it was a mixture of pleasure and pain of seeing him and then seeing him go.  Every couple weeks I would say we should break up, its too hard like this.  Now, I finally said lets break up until you sort yourself out and he’s getting counselling and being very distant and we are hardly talking. He only answers texts hours after I send them, when I tell him I love him and it will all work out.  He is saying he feels like he’s losing his mind but needs to stop pretending in life that things are ok when they are not and that he loves me.  This is all killing me. We are soulmates I feel, just don’t know if I should hope he’ll get his act together.. what if he never does.. is he capable?  Please, please help I miss my best friend but he feels so far away.  We broke up once before and it was agony for us both and just when I felt stronger to move on (somewhat) he pursued me.  Now he’s being distant again and I can’t bear going through this again.  But I initiated it all so?  
God I’m confused and hearbroken
 
Answer: Melanie,
Despite what he says, he most likely doesn’t want to divorce. If he believed you were soulmates, wouldn’t he have moved the earth to be with you? If you are having sex, I would bet he is more interested in that. Now that it has stopped the problems enter into the picture. You didn’t really explain why he hasn’t divorced. So it leads me to believe that he really isn’t interested in it and thus is probably not willing to be in a long-term committed relationship with you. I would suggest you move on from this difficult sounding relationship and find someone who is closer and much more available.

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