You actually are wrong…


Question: My 22-year-old sister has been in the Airforce for the past 4 years. She was living in Florida with her husband and now that her contract is over, she came back to Houston while her husband stayed in Florida. He will come to Houston this March when he completes his contract. In the meantime, my sister has to learn to drive,get a job,get a house and basically have everything ready for when he moves here. Since she moved back in, my sister stays at home all day. She can’t go out because there are no available cars. I get rides to work,school and home from my boyfriend who has adjusted his home and work schedule to help me out. I work four days a week so on my days off, me and my boyfriend get together and we invite my sister to come out with us since she’s always stuck at home. She tags along but is always creating problems. Everything bothers her and she disagrees with me just for the sake of disagreeing with me. She tries to make me look bad in front of my boyfriend. It’s almost like she doesn’t like seeing me happy. She’s also very controlling and she likes to tell me what to do as well as judge me based on my actions and appearance. I told my mom but my she won’t do anything about it because she doesn’t believe me since my sister acts like an angel in front of her. Yesterday was my 21st birthday and my sister was just giving me attitude or ignoring me,giving me looks, just being so mean. Finally, I blew up and started getting on both my mom and sister and my mom just defended her like always. My boyfriend was there and my mom called me and my sister into another room. My mom didn’t seem to care about my complaints and mockingly asked my sister to stop behaving the way I claimed she was. My mom then confronted me about having a boyfriend and changed the subject by pointing out my faults and told me that I was no longer allowed to stay out past midnight. She accused me of staying out late to have sex and made it clear that if I didn’t like her rules, then I should move out. I told her that I just want to live my life and she said that I am doing it all wrong. I told her that even if I am wrong I want to learn on my own and make my own mistakes like everybody else does. She said that she doesn’t care if I’m 30 years old, as long as I’m under her roof, I do what she says or else I can move out. What should I do now? I don’t want to leave in bad terms. I don’t understand why my mom is suddenly against me. We have always been really close but since my sister came back, I don’t even recognize her anymore. I don’t understand why she’s acting this way towards me. My sister had sex before she got married at the age of 19 to someone she didn’t even know for a year and that bothered my mom at first but she didn’t make a big deal about it before she got over it. I have a good,stable job, I drive, I’m in the process of getting a new car after my old one flooded in Hurricane Ike and my boyfriend has his own apartment close to my job. Should I move in with him? Am I in the wrong?
 
Answer: Stephanie,
Don’t move in with your boyfriend. Studies show that doing that leads to more breakups. Your mother probably has never felt like she could say to you that she doesn’t agree with your lifestyle choices. Now that sister is in the picture she probably feels empowered to do so. Instead of shutting her out why not listen to her and pay attention. Maybe there is something you are doing wrong, but are not willing to admit it because you are too proud. Bottom-line you are all adults and you are living in your mothers home as a guest. Disrespecting her is rude and she does have the right to kick you out. It would be unfortunate, but maybe changing your behavior is in order. If you don’t want to then expect to be asked to leave the home.

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