My name is Hollie, i’m 21 and I would really like your advice, my relationship is in such a mess and I don’t know what to do.
My partner Michael (30) and I have been living together for 7 months now. We only knew each other a little before he moved in, i offered him my sofa after he was evicted but after a few days we were an item and a couple of months later he’d met my parents and we were having such a good time that we decided he should just stay permanently.
Everything was going really well, he had gotten himself a job and i decided to go back to college and we were discussing getting married in a few years. But recently (the past two weeks or so) i’ve been feeling really trapped and think i might want out of the relationship.
It seems to have coincided with me starting college again. I feel really trapped, and cooped up and like i’m wasting my life away watching films.
Michael doesn’t drink and sometimes i miss going out and getting drunk and just letting my hair down.
All of my friends are male which has caused a few problems for us since he doesn’t like me heading to clubs with them (which i understand…I wouldn’t like it if he went out clubbing with some other girl).
I’m used to living on my own and before i loved having michael around all the time but now i miss my own space and sometimes feel like my home has been invaded.
It doesn’t help that he doesn’t have anywhere else to go (no family or anything) so if i asked him to go i’d be making him homeless which is not something i want to do. But it puts a lot of strain on our relationship. When i offered him a place to stay it just seemed like fun but now i feel responsible for him which wasn’t something i bargined for.
I also worry that this is just a phase that i will get over and don’t want to do anything hasty in case i really regret it.
I have know idea what to do. I know that i love michael but i miss my freedom and having my own space.
Sorry this is such a long e-mail, i’m just really confused.
You ARE confused. You made decisions that don’t seem to be very smart. If you are going to be with this guy then you need to start thinking in the long-term. What you are describing is that you are not really wanting to think long-term right now and want to “enjoy” life. Mike is a damper on this time in your life. So the decision you make now could effect the rest of your life. If you want Mike for long-term then you need to give up the dreams of doing your own thing whenever you want. You can’t have it both ways because then it is not fair to him. I would suggest you let him know that he needs to move out in a few weeks or you let him know you are moving out. This would mean that he is not in your long-term plans. If he is in your long-term plan why not just get married and stop postponing the inevitable. Either way YOU need to make a decision and stop bouncing around in limbo.