Get pre-marital counseling…


Question: Hello,

Lately I have been struggling quite a bit in the relationship I am in.  To make a long story short, I am 23 years old and engaged. I have been dating this guy for 3 1/2 years and we have been through a significant amount of triumphs and tragedies (he almost died during back surgery and is still recovering). I have been through a lot with him and it has been exhausting but he is my best friend.  Problem is, about 2 months ago I found an inappropriate picture on his cell phone sent to an ex girlfriend which he said he was just sending as a kind of “f.u.” gesture through this picture. He stands by his story; I just don’t buy it..even though he’s never done anything else malicious to me. He tends to befriend these girls who are really mean though…mean to me anyway. I was so angry and hurt by this and still am. He wants me to just stop bringing it up but I have been treating him so much worse since this. I am very sensitive and it hurt me a lot. So now we are supposed to get married in August of next year and I just am not excited about it. I just don’t think I am ready but so much money has already been invested in it and I feel bad if I call it off and don’t think he’d forgive me. Also, I am in grad school and met a guy there who I have been verbally flirtatious with. Is my relationship falling apart? Is it wrong to be flirting? Did the one instance of his betrayal of my trust kill the spark in our relationship? I have been starting a lot of little stupid fights lately because I am just so frustrated and feel scared. I feel like if I bring any of this up, he will not wan to talk to me ever again. Help! 😦

Answer: B.K.
I would suggest you look at the bigger picture instead of this one event. If it is an ongoing thing then I would suggest you call the wedding off. At a minimum you should be going to pre-marital counseling. If he is not willing then that SHOULD BE a deal breaker. If you feel scared to bring things up then you probably should be rethinking this relationship. Dating is when you should be figuring out of this person is compatible with you. Seeing a competent therapist will help you really determine if marriage is the right option here. If you don’t see one, I would suggest not marrying until this issue gets resolved.

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