Be thankful…


Question: I met this guy at the beginning of the summer who seemed nice and was very kind to me and he managed to become my boyfriend. I wasn’t interested at the beginning, he is 9 years older than me, but I moved into his appartemnt after one month and we started being together all the time and he started talking to me about kids and marriage and so on. He introduced me to his family and met mine. But after one month he stated to change gradually. From the very begining everytime I did something innappropriate or didn’t pay attention to him, he would accuse me of cheating. He started accusing me of having sex with other men, watching men with a  “sexy” eyes, thinking only about sex and at the same time he kept asking me about my previous relaitonships and sex experience. He often insulted me and I tolerated this, I thought it is somehting in his character, my father is a little bit like that to my mom. At the end we had a lot of fights, we started loosing interest in sex and one day he broke up with me in a very rude and unexpected manner (literally kicked me out). I don’t know what to think, I wonder if he has pathological jelaousy (when we broke up he said  different reasons, one of which was I had brought someone in his appartment and he can prove it, another  – I have another woman). I wonder if he is an abuser – he has signs, like I have seen him trying to kick a street dog that did not attack him and he speaks bad about his father. At the same time, he told me many nice and true things about me at the beginning, how I should finish my education, how beautiful I am…I don’t know what to believe anymore. I have not been in contact with him in the last 2 weeks. What do you think is the reason for this break up? Could I have done somehting wrong? Can I keep any good memories at all? Did he just use me for sex? Thank you very much for your answer in advance!
 
Answer: Maria,
I would suggest you be thankful that you were broken up with. I think the question you should be asking yourself is why did you stay as long as you did given the behavior you have described. You can probably keep some good memories. I would be more inclined to chalk this up as a learning experience and move on thankful that I am wiser for this experience.

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