Get some space…

Question: I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, we’re both 20 and this is our first relationship. We both respect each other, we talk all the time, we see each other everyday, and we enjoy each others company. To me, he’s the perfect boyfriend any girl could ever have and he tells me the same thing. We’ve been very honest to one another and strangers always think that we’re married because we’re so open with each other. We’re not living together and we’re both going to college, but we always talk about our future together and deciding names for our future kids (I know, to young to be thinking about this, right?).

But here’s the problem… lately, I’ve been having confused mixed feelings about this relationship and I’m not 100% positive if I’m IN love with him. I don’t have any other guy friends in order for me to get confused. I’m having trouble finding out if I love him as a friend or as a lover. There are times when I don’t find him attractive and there are other times when everything about him attracts me. I get angry at myself every time I think about this and he knows how I feel too and it worries him (we tell each other everything). I’m wondering if everyone goes through this and if this is just a phase or am I falling out of love with him? Am I just confused because I don’t know what I want? I know that I love him very much and I really don’t want to lose him, I just don’t know what to do or think anymore. He and I are not the type who go out and party or date other people, so I know if we were to split up, none of us would date anyone for a long while, we’d just focus on our studies. We’re not the type who go out on dates with people we hardly know. They way we started out, we were only friends for 2 years and then we started dating for the next 4 years. I hope you can help us and give me some good advice on what to work on.

Answer: Amy,
It sounds like you both are best friends which is great. I would suggest some space between you two. That is not breaking up or avoiding one another. It simply means having set times where you are not around each other to give one another times to think about things other than one another. You are both 20 so should be exploring other opportunities in life.  It is almost as if you are suffocating, but don’t know how to tell him to give you that space. Thus, your feelings going back and forth. I am sure you both care about each other. Yet, there are other things in the world to care about. Space will allow time for both of you to be interested in other things and then talk about them when you are together again. I also strongly suggest you DO NOT move in together. Stats show that people that move in have a higher rate of divorce.

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