Question: I’m engaged to my best friend. I love him a lot but I’m wondering if I’m making a mistake or if this is just my own issues with feeling trapped/taking him for granted etc. It’s hard to describe my feelings but I’ll try my best. When we first became friends 2 years ago, he called me every single day. He said his day wasn’t complete until he had talked to me. I found it extremely annoying and wished he would just leave me alone, but finally he grew on me and we spent all our time together and were happy. We eventually moved in and things were great for a while. But now that I’m faced with marriage, I suddenly feel different, and didn’t think I would. We were always best friends, I’ve never felt romantically passionate about him at all, and still don’t. I also have always pictured myself with someone a lot more.. mature. He’s like a 26 year old kid who still wants to watch cartoons and make constant dirty and offensive jokes.
But there’s another side to this. He loves me a LOT and would be devastated if I called it off. I don’t want to hurt him at all. Even if I’m not IN love with him I DO know I never want him to feel any kind of pain.
Should I really reconsider, or am I just being selfish and need counseling? Am I a terrible person that I get annoyed when he tells me he loves me for the tenth time in a row? I find myself starting fights with him on purpose because I’m scared, and then I feel really terrible for what I did. I don’t know what to do.
Answer: A,
You should not marry this guy! It is great to have a best friend, but don’t be deceived you NEED passion in your marriage. If you don’t have it now it will not all of a sudden happen. It’s sounds as if he is needy as you describe it and you don’t want that neediness. The common mistake many make is that they move in together thinking that it will enhance their relationship. It doesn’t. Actually statistics show that people living together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. I don’t think this has to do with you going to counseling. It does have to do with you making a right choice to last the rest of your life. This doesn’t sound like the right choice. Also, please don’t marry just because you don’t want him to be hurt. You need to stop wasting his time and your time and get out of this relationship. The longer you stay in it the more he will get hurt.

One thought on “PLEASE DON’T MARRY…

  1. Go with answer A… I was in a friendly “in-love less” marriage that lasted ten years. Although there were some really great times mixed in there were nearly as many bad. Mainly because of poor communication. If I had been honest upfront that i wasn’t “ready” and that I cherished our friendship as it was. So now two kids and a divorce later .. I recomment that if there is no passion and a strong loving friendship is what you have .. don’t attempt to make it more than that.


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