Don’t be a fear parent…


Question: I’m a single/divorced mom of 3 wonderful kids – 16 (girl), 13 (boy) and 11 (boy).  Their dad moved away 8 mths ago to be with “his family” in Idaho.  Yep, moved away from his kids.  They visit him Christmas/summer.  With all the family over there, they have a fun time with cousins and all their “toys” of boats, cabins, quads, etc.  Me, mom, cannot afford those things.  But I’m the one who is always here for them and devote my life to them.  Okay – my Question and Fear is that when my daughter graduates in 2 years, she might choose to go live there with “them” (no, I don’t get along with his family).  With all the fun, family, activities that they have at their fingertips, I’m so very, very afraid that all 3 of my kids will choose to leave boring mom and go to live in Idaho with dad and family.  Can you PLEASE give me some insight on what I can do to keep them here?  I love them so much and don’t want to lose them.  I have a very estranged family here and no time for friends or dates.
 I would be so very lonely and sad if they were to leave.  PLEASE HELP with any advice you can give.  Thank you and bless you.

 

Answer: Jill,
Don’t parent out of fear. Your kids will eventually leave and yes it will be said, but it is natural. The most important thing you can impress upon your kids while you have them is not the importance of things, but the importance of relationships. This can be done through conversations and outings with them. If they see that you value them for them it will make an impact. It may not impact them now because teens are notorious for being self-centered and looking for the fun. As they become young adults they will slowly realize where to place value. If they are taught to be shallow and put things over people then that is unfortunate. It is your job to teach them the opposite of that. Yet, remember those are fun things to do and they will want to do it. It doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. If you had all those things they would most likely stay with you. So it isn’t about you it is about the things.

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