USE your brain!


Question: I just want to thank you in advance for your time.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about five months. He is a wonderful guy, he works hard, he is a great Christian man, he is active in church and he cares a lot about me. That being said, he doesn’t communicate very well when he is upset. Rather, he doesn’t communicate at all with me when he is upset for at least a day, usually two or three. And it’s always over little things. Also, he talks disrespectfully to his mom. That really bothered me and I feel like that says a lot. Lastly, I’m not in love with him. I don’t feel crazy about him and he doesn’t about me. When I brought that up to him, he said that there isn’t a time limit for these things.

By the way, I’m 23, and he’s 28.

I’m just starting to feel like things continue to not work. But I do like him, and I know he likes me. I just don’t want to give up too soon, but I don’t want to ignore red flags either. What I am really trying to figure out is…is it time to break up?
 

Answer: Alissa,
Dating is about gathering information. When you have enough information you have to make an informed opinion before your feelings could your JUDGEMENT. So based on what you have said I think you have ENOUGH information to make a good DECISION. I have capitalized words because they have nothing to do with feelings. Feelings tend to make people stay in bad relationships. Use your BRAIN and make a good decision with the information that you have. Breaking up doesn’t mean he is a bad guy it means he is not the right guy for you.

6 thoughts on “USE your brain!

  1. Someone please give me their thoughts on my situation. I was dating a guy for 4 years. He is now 53 and I am 46. I was once married 18 years and have a 19 yr old daughter. He on the other hand has never been married and has no children. We were madly in love – madly. I broke up with him 2x in that four year period. The most recent being last month. After his father passed away, he moved in with his mother. We live 2 hours from eachother by the way. Only saw eachother once a month on the weekend. Spoke on the phone every day 2 or 3x. He never wanted to leave his mother alone. Once he drove up to meet me and he fought back the tears. I asked him what was wrong and he said “I hated to leave my mother all alone.” She cooks for him, cleans for him, laundry, etc. He promised to marry me (never did get an engagement ring though – too cheap for that – told me I would get it the date of the wedding). His mother could not stand me. She felt threatened by me. Well the wedding date came and went. He ultimately chose his mother over me. How messed up is that?

  2. By the way, Eden here again. I forgot to mention that he used to videotape himself with his cell phone going potty and send it to me. What was up with that? His father passed away ten years ago and he has lived with his mother for four years and won’t leave her side and when he does, feels extremely guilty b/c she places a guilt trip on him.

  3. Hopefully you have moved on from this relationship. It surely does not sound healthy to you right? Not sure what other thoughts you are wanting on your situation.

  4. I don’t need to tell you something you already recognize. It seems it would be important for you to figure out why there is this attraction. Connecting with a trained helper could help you figure this out and get some growth in your life. There is more to life than hooking back up with this guy who simply sounds like a mommas boy.

  5. Its a chemistry thing. That is the attraction. Not to mention he is a good person, but albeit, a momma’s boy. I just can’t seem to get him out of my head or my heart for that matter. He went back onto the dating site where we met four years ago. Interstingly enough, he changed his age from 42 to 46. His real age is 52. He also write that he lives alone. Another lie. He lives with his mommy. Can’t he realize all of relationships have failed due to his inability to become a real man? I just don’t understand. He chose his mother over love and yes, it really was true love. Then one might say if it was true love, he would have chosen you over his mother. True, but she has something over him – just not sure what it is.

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