|Question:||My husband is always being put down by his Mother and Father. Everything my husband says is just laughed at by his parents and any of the awards he has received for his job just go unnoticed. I feel my husband does not defend himself against this and I am finding it harder to keep my mouth shut when in their presence. His sister is not much better, she came to stay with us for a few days and just laughed at the way he dressed and his hairstyle. He dresses very smartly and looks sophisticated. My sister in law is used to the shaved head and football shirts she has seen everyone including her husband wear when growing up. We are due to move overseas in a couple of months so the all of them including the sister are coming to visit. I know they are going to say the same thing about the way he dresses and give the same put downs that they always do. I don’t know what to say to them when they make these comments without being rude.
I also hate the way my Mother in law has an almost incestuous jealous attitude when it comes to her son, she resents the fact that he has his own life to live and still sends him useless things that he liked when he was a child. How are they going to understand that belittling him is wrong, and that my husband out of everyone in the family has done the best for himself? I need some advice before I open my mouth and tell all of them exactly what I think.
|Answer:||Ariella,It is great you feel protective for your husband. Since you are leaving you need to weigh that against confronting his family. If you won’t see them for a few years it may be beneficial to not confront anything. What would be beneficial is limiting contact with them. If your children see that behavior then they may begin to copy it. You will not change these people. Making attempts to do so will result in hurt feelings and bitterness. It will be you against the family. It is obvious these people are jealous of him and you and they have no better way to express it than make fun. So when they laugh you build up. It doesn’t matter what they think it matters what your husband thinks you think. Thus, when they belittle you can say you love it and it doesn’t matter what they think because it is about you and your husband.|