Pain from the past


Question: I am the mother of a 19 year old girl. I am also a divorced mom of 2 other children. When my kids were quite little, my ex-husband had a affair. When I found out- I packed his bags- he moved away for 5 years. Needless to say I was angry, and still am 10 years later. I made the mistake of saying many negative things about my ex. Which I apologized to my children years later. My daughter moved in with her father at the age of 15 and our relationship has been strained if  non-existent since then.
Her father is her king, and I am worthless & nothing to her. I raised these kids alone for 10 years, but always got financial support from him.

How do I move on and stop trying to kiss-up to my daughter to make a mends. She wants nothing to do with me. She has laughted at me when I cried, no calls for birthdays, holidays, nothing. What should I do?

 

Answer: Autumn,
You need to separate the two in your mind. They are not the same person. The hatred you have for your ex has bled over into how you view your daughter. If you saw her as distinctly separate then your relationship would be much less tense. Focus in on your other two children and start caring less about the hurt of 10 years ago. The more you hold onto it, the less you will be able to connect with your daughter.

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