Who cares about your funny, talented and beautiful child...

QUESTION: I need some advice on how I can effectively change my parenting to fit this child.  First and foremost there are a lot of things to be proud of.  She is smart, funny, talented, and beautiful.  She is involved in all musical things at school and has a solid group of friends. My issue, and I know that it is my issue, is that at home she is manipulative, lies, unkind to her sister and generally lacks compassion and character and integrity. There are a lot of “little” things she does, but does them on a daily basis and doesn’t seem to learn from her mistakes, as she repeats them constantly.  All with the excuse of “I forgot,” I misunderstood,” and the latest is “so?” She finds a way to do exactly what she wants regardless of what may happen or who it affects. She is SO bright and intelligent.  I try to use the “natural consequence” when and where I can, but can’t help feeling that she stays up and night just to think of ways to frustrate me.  There is a daily fight, and this is not the relationship I dreamed of having with my daughter. I just need to know how to keep my sanity through this. I chose to ask you because I think I need a little non-coated advice.

ANSWER: I doesn’t matter that you have a smart beautiful daughter if she treats people poorly and is disrespectful. Put that all aside for a moment. If this were a guest in your home how would you react to them? You probably would kick them out. So for the moment put aside all the niceties. Your daughter needs a reality check. Treating people rudely and then making excuses for the behavior should NOT be tolerated any longer. There should be consequences for lying and they should be serious. I think a mixture of incentives and consequences should be in order. She will complain and fight, but you are the adult in the home and the one who makes the rules. If it means doors come off hinges or rooms get cleaned out then so be it. She needs to know that disrespect in the home and to family is unacceptable. The reason I suggest this is because she can CHOOSE to be sweet and kind outside of the home. If that is the case she can be sweet and kind in the home. David www.help4life.net

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~ by Help 4 Life on June 23, 2012.