This isn’t love…
| Question: | I have been in this relationship for nearly three years and a half and we have really tried to make it work. Throughout the relationship, there were some occasions which led my boyfriend to believe that I was cheating on him (in my opinion coincidences but I see his point), but always inconclusive. I always told him I hadn’t, for the last person I had been with was an ex-boyfriend, but it happened when we weren’t together. Nearly six months ago I told him about my ex-boyfriend and other instances when I had lied to him in attempts to come clean of everything and attempt to move on. I lost his trust, but he said he forgave me and wanted to give this relationship a try. Ever since, he has been very angry with me and has been very hurtful. I feel like I cannot defend myself in arguments because I just make things worst, and I don’t feel he fights fair at all. He calls me names, always does things to me that I wouldn’t do to him, screams at me, and I do nothing. Every time I try to defend myself he always throws the cheating card in my face and shuts me down with it. He does and says to me things that he claims he would never put up with. I have felt extremely depressed these past months, feeling watched, dealing with his unprecedented anger, trying to make things work. I try to tell him how I feel but I think I’m better off swallowing my feelings so that I don’t make him go off on me. He too has lied to me in the past, but swears he didn’t cheat, and I don’t ever bring it up because then he will throw my mistakes back at me.
I left everything for him: I have no friends, I don’t go out, I do what he wants (non of these by his request). I feel lonely and desperate to keep him, and I think he knows it. I feel like I have no dignity when it comes to him, for he continues to step all over me because he can. Last night, I was studying and preparing for finals and then he started interrogating me about who I was studying with (I was in a clubroom, studying solo). He didn’t believe me, called me a liar, told me he didn’t care anymore (things he always says to me) and not to call him or go looking for him. He did this while in a car with a friend (who he claims didn’t hear him). He also told me that he feels like he hasn’t forgiven me yet for what I did. I feel like his attitude is getting more out of line after each argument and I don’t like feeling like trash all the time, what can I do to make things work out? He always tells me to tells both sides of the story, so I tried to best describe the situation he is in, but I’m not too sure it is justifiable. Sorry so long, but I needed to talk to someone and let it all out.
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| Answer: | Maria, Why Stay? Please don’t say because you love him. This is not a love relationship. It is more sick than anything. This is a time where you are supposed to be having fun and enjoying life together. If things are bad now, what do you think they will be like if you marry this guy. I would suggest you get the courage up to head out on your own. Difficult as it may be it would be the best thing for you to do in the long run. |
do whatever u can to facilitate him trust u once again…… and if even then you ppl cant make things work get out of it soonest finish off the relation because lack of trust is a cancer which is not cureable……. just give it a last try and move on IF IT IS POSSIBLE FOR U TO GET HIM OUT OF UR MIND (the most idfficult part of it)…..
I am there with you, he says he forgives me and tells me I am heading in the right direction but blows up at me over every and any little thing and is always throwing my past up in my face, and my doenst have to do with me cheating on him, it was all before him. Mine are just lieing to him because I didnt want to hear his mouth about certain aspects of my life at that point in our relationship.
I think love can be alot of things. But I think all to often we abuse love and take it for granted. Sometimes we don’t want to let go of the love we have with freinds or loved ones because were afraid of being alone if things can’t breath they die it all depends on how you want to feel so the relationship with yourself will always be the most important one no matter were you are or what you decide to do the choice is up to you to love yourself or not hopefully you choose to love yourself for your sake and everyone that cares about who you are’s sake.